Sunday, August 12, 2012

Kaitlyn's Eye

Kailtyn had surgery to implant a glaucomic shunt in her left eye on Wed, August 8th at Duke Eye center. She had Dr. M a retina specialists and Dr. Freedman the glaucomic specialists working together as a team. It was the same procedure Kyleigh had in February of 2011. Kaitlyn went back into the Operating Room like a champion and came out in Recovery the same way. She was so brave and I was so very proud of her. She experience an unusual amount of pain in comparison to her sister. However they shared the similar experience of nausea and vomiting after waking from the anesthesia. Thankfully I had Kathy White from DayStar, our children's director, with us because I do NOT handle vomit at all. Kaitlyn returned for post op the next day and found she had a corneal scratch the size of an adult contact lens. OUCH! No wonder she was in such pain. We were doing tylenol round the clock and continued this along with adding a gel-like lubricating eye drop to the regiment of already 8 eye drops a day to the left eye.
Friday morning she awoke and her eye was hurting worse and she it was not looking better. In fact, it looked worse and the lashes had goopy gross mucus on them. Not a good sign. So we call the doctors and you guessed it, we head to Duke for an afternoon appointment and see the fellow as Dr. Freedman is in surgery all day. The decision is made that she is probably having irritation from the lens and surgery itself. Her eye is probably extra lubricating and trying to force out what it sees as a foreign object - the band aid contact lens being used to repair the scratch. So they said to not worry and continue what we are doing and come back Monday.
     Except, she awoke Saturday morning and after crying through the night in her sleep she literally had her eye glued shut from the goop this time and her eye was more red and irritated. I immediate send an email and call the doctor. She calls back and asks me to send a picture of the eye. Then she said to wait and take another picture later in the day and if it doesn't look better she wants to see us at the emergency room that day at Duke. I was praying hard that we would avoid this fourth visit down the highway to Durham and praying that we could avoid an ER visit. When I sent the second picture the doctor was convinced that the eye was not infected but may be reacting to one of the drops. We stopped using one of the suspicious eye drops that could be causing an allergic reaction. We were using lubricant gel drops about every 30 minutes to an hour. We increased the tylenol to 3 chewables every 4 hours to manage the pain.
       Sunday morning, the eye has less goop but still complaining of pain and still has drainage. Unfortunately or fortunately, however you see it the contact lens came out today. Bad news is it may have come out too soon. Good news is they were thinking of taking it out tomorrow and this is one less traumatic event that the doctor will have to do to her in the office. However, this does mean I will have to add in another step of using an ointment under her eyelids tonight which is not an easy task as I can't let the tip touch her eye and she has to remain very still.
       At this time, based on Friday's visit, Kaitlyn has NO vision in her left eye. We are praying with expectancy that she will have a total healing and restored vision and lowered eye pressure in this eye quickly. Tomorrow, Monday, August 13th is another post op visit. Stay tuned for more updates.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Embracing Change...isn't an easy road

I recently made a very poor decision that I didn't think I was worthy to exist and be a mom anymore. Thankfully God saw differently. I was given the opportunity to attend His High Places again in Boone, NC for a full week of one- on- one counseling. The focus was where was all my anger coming from, what scared me so much about parenthood as a single mom, self doubt, and trusting God. My counselor was Natalie again and she is truly a gift of God sent to heal hearts. She helped me identify the roots of my anger and I found myself literally at the feet of Jesus cross and crying out for Him to heal me of this anger, to sever this sin so that it may not continue as a generational root into my children. I wantmy kids to see Jesus in me and love Christ and look back and say they knew they were loved by a Heavenly Father and Earthly Mother. I went on a nature walk with Natalie which turned into a trust walk with God. Trusting he would take care of us going down and back up from the blue hole. We took some beautiful pictures and saw some more angel rays. My confidence continued to grow as I spent time talking, reading, singing, and dancing through the word of God. Wednesday I drove back to Greensboro just to see an oncologist and get the best news that I am CANCER FREE! I was elated. The drive was well worth the good news. I returned the same evening humbled that God had once again spared me. By Friday, I had a plan for how I was ready to return hom a stronger mom and ready to unify as a family of 3. Only one problem, I am still under restriction of Child Family Services temporarily. I understand it is to keep my kids safe. I would never hurt them but the concern was I may hurt myself and they would be home alone. The good news is I have been freedom in Christ that the Shackles of Death have been removed from my feet and hands and I can dance and embrace life. I may never do it perfectly but I am ready to try and be the mom God sees and has in store for me. I think he has so much in store for me, more than I can even dream. I even feel a pull from the Holy Spirit that soon I may be on. A whole new path separate from this current one I am traveling.  The other gift God gaveme through this tragedy is He allowed me to release and truly forgive Dennis for suicide. For the first time I truly felt what it was like to be in that moment of darkness and pit and unable to turn around. I sympathize with him. I don't see him as selfish at all. I don't care what others say. I don't think he was cowardly. I think he was convinced by lies it was best. He will be missed but I have released him- soul, mind and body. He will always be my children's father and my love. But I have the freedom to move forward and that adds peace to my life. If God sees one day to send someone our way I will be very cautious but not resistant because I have released Dennis to Him. For now, my goal is to strengthen and unify the three of us as a family. Please join me in prayer that were success at this new journey now that my heart is ready.
Thank you to all who have supported in prayer, visits, calls, cards, child care, encouraging words, those that have withheld judgment, and those that continue to share life with us in this crazy life.
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