tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35859541354419313992024-03-12T18:22:15.722-07:00Foster Familyfostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.comBlogger282125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-75563504096878882742021-06-20T18:53:00.003-07:002021-06-20T18:53:57.948-07:00Leave the 99 <p> <span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;">Usually, we avoid going to church on
Father’s Day at my house. It is just hard on my girls to be reminded that their
earthly dad is not present anymore. But what I want for my girls more than
anything is for them to focus on their relationship with their Heavenly Father.
We did go to church this year and I am so glad we did. The message was very
powerful. I am not sure I took away everything the pastor was meaning for me to
understand. He was talking about the story where God leaves the 99 sheep to
find the lost sheep. If you aren’t familiar with the story it is analogy for
how God is our Shepherd and as a good shepherd would keep the herd safe, God
would leave the 99 sheep to go and rescue the one lost sheep. A lost sheep
without a shepherd is helpless. But God is so concerned about the lost sheep.
God is concerned with me. He is concerned with my daughters. He cares deeply
about our afflictions and pain. God does not want my children to be fatherless.
He does not want this affliction to make them helpless. God is a good Father. Just
like the song we sang today; God has always been faithful and always will. Both
of my girls sat beside me today in service. One with her hands lifted in praise
and one with tears running down her face. At that moment all I could do was
thank God for always being faithful and pray that he would keep seeking after
my two children. I prayed my children will stay close to God and see that God
loves them. I prayed that the pain of missing their dad would fade. Today didn’t
have to be a day to avoid but instead a day to celebrate the love of God and
family.</span></p>fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-51269737902294993162019-12-24T14:54:00.001-08:002019-12-24T14:54:11.303-08:00Faith
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This Christmas is a little different around my house.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>But one thing remains and that is the tradition
of Christmas Eve service at church. This year the sermon was about humility and
how it plays a role in the story of Jesus. It was also about faith.<span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>My favorite part of the service is always the
end with the candlelight and singing of Silent Night. But this year, as I began
to sing, I choked. Tears flowed down my face as I attempted to sing. I just let
them. I am holding on to that word faith as we move into Christmas and the New
Year. The pastor said that “we have to have faith and believe that Jesus has
everything I need”. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Those words have
been echoing through my mind these last few weeks. No matter the current
circumstances, no matter my fears, Jesus is everything. During a recent time
spent with my dad, he told me this is where faith comes in. We must make the
decision to believe that God is working all things out for our good. For me,
that means He is working out all things for my family and close friends. Other
than my own plans for Christmas tomorrow, I really don’t know what the future
brings. My prayer right now is that God will help me with my faith. I will work
to be humble and have faith. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
Merry Christmas everyone!fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-6258075674283082262019-12-15T18:45:00.001-08:002019-12-15T18:45:15.515-08:00Decisions- Just do the next right thing!
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<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">How many decisions do we make a
day? Internet sources indicate we make around 35,000 decisions a day! Whoa! How
many of those decisions are made based on parenting? As a mom, single mom, I
feel like most of those decisions revolve around my parenting. From the moment
of conception, we had to start making decisions. I have been thinking a lot
about decisions lately and how our decisions can predict our outcomes. I have
made decisions of- </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Disposable vs Cloth</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bottle vs Breast</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Vaccines vs Unvaccinated</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Baby Wise vs Intuition </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cry it Out vs Cry with </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Timeout vs Spanking vs losing privileges </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Public school vs Private school vs Charter school vs Homeschool</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Working career vs Stay at home</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">and the list goes on and on. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>What I
am learning along the way is that there really isn’t a wrong or right answer to
these choices. I chose for each kid at the time what I thought was right. The saying,
I did the best I could at the time. This is true. At times I wish I could
change some of these decisions but not because of regret but rather because I wonder
how the different choice would have changed things. I have learned to take
criticism and suggestions with a grain of salt. That my own motherly instincts
are usually close on target. I am grateful for the women and men in my life
(mainly my dad) that speak truth into me and are there when I need advice. Sometimes
I am afraid of making the wrong decision. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>Did
allowing them to cry it out (most of the time) lead them to a life of anxiety
and trust issues? Did vaccination change the metabolic system and leave them
susceptible to disorders? Did spanking my children when I was angry cause
damage to them. Let’s be honest, I was never calm and deliberate with this form
of punishment. Hence, why I stopped a long time ago. Did not spanking send them
the message they could run the roost? Is working full time preventing me from
being the mom they need? And on and on and on the debate goes in my head. Rarely
do I switch to the positive when debating my decisions. However, at the end of
the day I believe with my heart that I have done the very best I could at the
time. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>My
latest decision was placing my oldest in residential care in TN. I have debated
with myself over and over again if that was the right decision. Did I do
everything possible to prevent this from being the solution? Did I exacerbate
all other options before relenting her to placement? Is this what is best for
her or should I be researching and advocating for something else? The answer to
all of these questions lies not in the answer themselves but in my faith. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>I am
coming to realize that I need faith. I must trust that the God of my
understanding loves me and loves her. I must believe. After all, that is what
faith is all about. Believing in that which we can not see or understand. I believe
we can make mistakes and yet God will take care of it. So, if this decision
turns out to be the wrong one, God can change it too. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="margin: 0px;"> </span>In another
post I mentioned my support system. There have been countless prayers, calls,
texts, and acts of kindness in relation to this last decision. I have felt and
appreciated every single one of them. I often don’t know the answer for “how
can I help” because I don’t really know what helpful right is now. So just keep
praying and loving on us the best you know how. That’s all anyone can do- the
next right thing. </span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span>fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-34289678048470732682019-12-14T18:10:00.003-08:002019-12-14T18:10:58.491-08:00God's Got This
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you take on the responsibility of becoming a parent and
raising children, there’s certain things that go along with that. Such as
sleepless nights, tantrums, sick days, and bills. But you can never be prepared
for being the parent of a child born with special needs. When your child has a
disability your whole outlook on parenting changes. Those early years I just
floated through each developmental change. When we reached a milestone, I cheered
loudly for both of my girls. Once they were both in school, I just knew the
tough years were behind me. What I didn’t anticipate was that trauma would
enter our world and change our lives forever. I didn’t know that I would sink
into deep depression or that at age 8 my beautiful oldest would be diagnosed
with a mental illness. Years and years of medical trials with medications and
hospitalizations and we would get some sort of semblance of a “normal” life
again. I know that my own depression impacted the relationships between myself
and my friends and my children. I didn’t realize that my own inability to deal
with trauma would cause more problems for my kids. I wish that I could go back
and change that. But what comes next, the years after regaining myself, is
something that I can barely describe. You would think that given I have kids
with disabilities and a huge church and family that my support system would be
enormous. The crazy part is that is exactly the truth. I have had family and
church support me and my girls 100 percent. The other truth is that sometimes
it is hard to know how to support and help. Right now I am walking a hard road
with my oldest. I know many have said it is just the teenage years and it is to
be expected. But it is not just the teenage years. Sure, sometimes it is teenage
hormones and stubbornness. But then there is the behavioral component and the
resistance to therapy for psychiatric needs. So, while I am enjoying Christmas
movies on Hallmark, and cocoa with marshmallows, it is definitely not the
Christmas season I was hoping for this year. She is in another state in yet
another residential program. I am heart broken. I am her mom. I should be able
to manage her at home. Love conquers all, right? No. I love her so much but it isn’t
enough right now. The truth is that my support system can’t live with me and
help me with her 24/7. As a single mom of kids with special needs, I find my
friends narrowing. So many pray for us and do nice things for us but no one can
live this with us. I miss having dinners with friends, having friends that are
constantly in our lives, vacation friends, Saturday night friends, just a phone
call away for fun friends. The truth is being our friend is hard right now. It
is hard to accept our trials. It is hard to be around us. I don’t fault anyone
for not being able to fill that position. I am grateful for the call me in an
emergency friends and the I am praying for you friends. We need lots of prayers
right now. This stage of her life is harder than the last. I am trying not to
wish time away but I am wishing for happier times. <span style="margin: 0px;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0px 0px 10.66px;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So, in the meantime, I will remind myself that the God I believe
in is either everything or He is nothing. So. I must trust in God and ask him
to help me with my unbelief. God- I know you got this! I give my children to
you, my life to you, and my hearts’ desires to you. </span></div>
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span>fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-20958708322561719832014-09-24T10:38:00.002-07:002014-09-24T10:38:54.502-07:00We are moving!!!We are not literally moving, but this blog site is moving. I am so excited to share with you that this blog has officially changed over to my own independent host site. This will allow for me to work towards my goal of inspiring others. I want to encourage people, especially women, that hope is always around the corner. One day I hope to be a published author but until then I will just blog and hope that you and other readers join me online. My new site is - <div>
<a href="http://crystaldfoster.com/">crystaldfoster.com</a><br /><div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Simple as that! So come join me. Leave comments. Engage in conversation with me. </div>
<div>
You can also find me on Facebook - www.facebook.com/reflectingvoiceofhope</div>
<div>
Twitter: @crystaldfoster</div>
<div>
Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/crystaldfoster </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I look forward to meeting up with you at the new blog! </div>
<div>
Crystal Foster </div>
<div>
<a href="http://crystaldfoster.com/">crystaldfoster.com</a></div>
</div>
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU5W3FRuwWWhPsTT0rPVDEWYp4K3u2tO_ldHGbZr8u6zlTkM-khrUzJ-mc7UJzY5VA6CftJ6SbfGi1A7qINSnjOk1eBWmQNEEzj6N7DJeb_vzdc4c_jKd5HrNdPbWqwe_RMKwcIEaX1a8/s1600/1399_1280x1024-wallpaper-cb1281117124.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgU5W3FRuwWWhPsTT0rPVDEWYp4K3u2tO_ldHGbZr8u6zlTkM-khrUzJ-mc7UJzY5VA6CftJ6SbfGi1A7qINSnjOk1eBWmQNEEzj6N7DJeb_vzdc4c_jKd5HrNdPbWqwe_RMKwcIEaX1a8/s1600/1399_1280x1024-wallpaper-cb1281117124.jpg" height="256" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Reflecting the Voice of Hope<br />Personal Blog- Crystal D Foster </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-64441608638100435262014-05-11T17:41:00.002-07:002014-05-11T17:41:28.598-07:00Mother's Day--All about "ME" or Not
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It’s Mother’s Day 2014 and I am in
a very different place than I was even a year ago but a much different place
than I was several years ago. For the first time in years I was excited about
Mother’s Day again. However, I have always had the misconception that Mother’s
Day was to be set aside to honor “me” once I became a mom. In so much that I
thought like others that I would have a day of no work. Someone would do all
the things that I normally do to make the universe operate and I would get the
day “off duty”. Well, I got a dose of reality today and finally learned my
lesson that Mother’s Day really isn’t the all about “me” show. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
Don’t get me wrong, my children did
honor me in their own way as best as a 5 and 8 year old can without assistance
from adults. I awoke very early to my oldest ushering me downstairs to
breakfast. She served me fresh cut, washed, and sugar added strawberries with a
bowl of Special K and a cup of milk. It was precious and delicious. I was quite
impressed with her skills and delivery. Then I was met with the gifts that each
girl had made at school with the help of their teachers. They were sweet and
funny. Kaitlyn’s card was accompanied with bath salt so I could take a relaxing
soak. Kyleigh’s card was an interview about mommy where she described me as an
eight year old that likes the color pink and weighs 55 pounds. <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I had posted earlier on Facebook
that I only wanted peace in my home for Mother’s Day. That came crashing down
about 5 minutes post breakfast when my children stayed true to their little
personalities and started the sibling arguments right away. So, the idea of
taking off the “mommy cape” for the day just doesn’t work when there is no one
around to jump in and referee for you. So of course, I was on duty. I was reminding
them to “treat others the way you want to be treated” and “make wise choices”
while all at the same time cleaning up the Mother’s Day breakfast dishes and
mess created from cutting up the lovely strawberries. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
We made it to church and I really
enjoyed the message today on worship and centering your mind on worship. For
weeks now I have had to really focus on calming the brute beast (Psm 73:22) in
me when I get angry as the kids are in the midst of a tantrum or meltdown. It
is so easy for me to get caught up in trying to fix it for them or stop their
behavior that I get upset too. Instead, I am trying to learn to just let the
Holy Spirit guide me to remain calm, remove myself from the situation, and
regain my composure. I am much more effective and a better mommy when I am a
“beauty” and not a “beast” as shared by our lovely Pastor’s wife this morning. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
After church the girls and I headed
to spend the afternoon with my mom. We had a great lunch. My mom had pre-fixed
most of the meal so all that was necessary was to warm it up today. That’s when
I also realized, “hey she didn’t get the day off duty either”. I mean my dad
did help her in the kitchen because he always does as he is a great man but she
still had to cook. Then she and I cleaned up after the meal was over. So a
mother, no matter who they are or which stage of life, ever really gets to go
totally “off duty”. We spent some time
outside blowing bubbles and giggling and just having fun. Some of us even
caught a small nap, but I won’t mention any names. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
The girls and I headed home and
then we finished up Kaitlyn’s homework. That is work for me too! She has to
have me sit with her one-on-one and sometimes it can be brutal. By this point I
had truly let go of my thoughts on today being all about “me”. This day was
about my children, family time, and memories. But isn’t that what every day of
the year is about. So I am going to try not to get caught up in the fact that
today didn’t meet the expectations of a dream world Mother’s Day where I was
doted on all day long for the endless things I do to keep the universe in order
for my family. Instead, I am going to be grateful for the blessings in my life,
for my family, friends, church, and my amazing children. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To Kaitlyn, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
I love you because you are kind and
sensitive and your strong spirit will serve you well one day. My prayer for you
is that you find the confidence in yourself to stand strong and be courageous.
You are clothed in strength and dignity and you laugh without fear of the
future because you are strong. Prov 31:25<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To Kyleigh, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love you
because you are my miracle child. You are my fighter and this spirit and will
to press onward will serve you well one day. My prayer for you is that you find
a way to show your softer side to others. You seek out ways to be kind and
loving to the world. For love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all
things, endures all things. 1 Cor 13:7<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To all Mothers, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Happy
Mother’s Day! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Psalm 127:3 Children are a gift from God <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Crystal <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-10454628896973110132014-03-05T10:15:00.003-08:002014-03-05T10:19:45.477-08:00Will You Say He is Good? Just a few days ago I lay on a cold hard table wearing a hospital gown and earplugs I had my body placed inside a small tunnel. While inside this tunnel, I had to lay perfectly still while loud sounds permeated around me. Sounds that mimicked planes, jackhammers, whirlies, tambourines, tinker toys, and many other loud noises. You get the picture. It was anything but pleasant. In the past, I was able to have my favorite music piped into the tunnel to soothe me but this time they were not set up for that option. I was slightly disappointed. So instead I lay in the tunnel and prayed. I prayed for God to just make the time go by quickly, to help me not to be concerned with the results, for God to help me not to move, for God to put me at rest and peace. I sang songs of worship in my head but not ones that would get me too stirred up because those that have seen me recently know that I can get really excited and move during a good song. Unfortunately, the MRI/MRA scan table was not my friend this time. I was in a lot of pain. The back of my head felt like it was being pinched and I could not take it any longer. I had to have them stop the machine three different times. I was in so much pain that I needed to move my head and massage it. By the end of the scan I was so relieved to be done but concerned nevertheless because I have had multiple MRIs and never experienced this sort of pain during one before. I have been waiting on the phone call since Monday morning. You know how it goes when you wait for that phone to ring, it never rings until you walk away and then come back and realize you have a voicemail. Well, I refused to have that happen. So today I decided to jump the gun and call them first. But before I did, I took a few minutes and spent some time with God.<br />
You see, I also had the privilege of sharing a portion of my testimony with some great ladies this morning after we talked about Job in the bible. Now I was quick to point out that I am nothing like Job and do not wish to be compared to Job because unlike Job, I have sinned and needed forgiveness. One thing I loved about Job even says, "should we accept only good from God and not trouble?' 2:10 Even Job, a man without sin, knew that he wasn't above persecution and suffering. Even Jesus himself suffered while on this Earth, so what makes us think we are better than him? Why should we think we are above suffering? I am not Job, but I have faced trials, small and large, and from these trials I have learned a few things. One thing I have learned is that you can get to the light. There is hope! So before I picked up the phone today seeking results I prayed-<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Dear God, </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Let me not forget that you have brought me through so many trials already. If this is not the </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
news I want to hear let me praise you anyways. Let me trust you already have a plan and </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
that you will work it out. God, let me rest in you and have faith that everything will be okay. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Then I dialed the number. The receptionist/nurse told me she would call me back shortly. In the meantime I was reading a devotional and these verses catapulted off the page: </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: 'Avenir LT W01 55 Roman'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 27px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
Jeremiah 17:7, “But blessed is the one who trusts in the L<span style="font-size: 12px;">ORD</span>, whose confidence is in him.” (NIV)</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: 'Avenir LT W01 55 Roman'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 27px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
1 John 5:14, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” (NIV)</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: 'Avenir LT W01 55 Roman'; font-size: 16px; line-height: 27px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
<br /></div>
So here I was asking the Lord to give me the desires of my heart but do so in His will. That if it is to be that I endure more suffering to help me accept that plan over my life and not react with the panic, knee jerk reaction that I always have when things go wrong. These verses were clearly telling me that I could have confidence that no matter what I could trust that He knows my wants, desires and needs. So I quieted myself and I waited, not knowing what the answer would be and praying I would respond with grace.<br />
<br />
Within minutes my cellphone rang and Jennifer, the receptionist/nurse, spoke these simple words of truth that were music to my ears - "EVERYTHING LOOKS STABLE"! Praise you Lord! Blessings!<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
I do need to followup with my neurologist because the symptoms of tingling and numbness are persisting but I believe that it will stop because it has in the past. I am relieved to know that the hand of God is upon me once again! I guess my next trial will just have to wait, but I promise you I am not immune and my time is coming because with every mountain top--there is a valley. The difference for me this time is I am armed and ready! </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<h4 style="text-align: center;">
What about you--will you say He is good? </h4>
<h4>
Isaiah 12:2<br /><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Trebuchet, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">See, God has come to save me. I will trust in him and not be afraid. The LORD God is my strength and my song; he has given me victory."</span></h4>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #404041; font-family: 'Avenir LT W01 55 Roman'; font-size: 10px; line-height: 27px; padding: 0px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">
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<br />
<br />
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<br /></div>
fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-75530370790638027612014-02-24T15:03:00.001-08:002014-02-24T15:03:21.614-08:00Mommy--What If? <div style="text-align: left;">
Each night is the same bedtime routine at my house: </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
medicines</div>
<div>
<span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
brush teeth</div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
read books</div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
lights out (except night lights)</div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
sound machine on</div>
</span><span style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
prayers and kisses</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
This past Saturday night instead of me walking out the door after kisses, I found myself holding my oldest while she cried. I waited until her crying was soft and she could talk. Those that know my daughter can appreciate that she is wise beyond her years in some ways yet quite sensitive and still very young at the same time. She expressed her fears in the following statement: </div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="text-align: left;">
"Mommy, What if I wake and you are dead? What if you die and go to heaven and it is just me and Kyleigh? What will happen to me? What will I do? Who will adopt me? Will anyone love me? Who will take care of us?"</blockquote>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I grabbed that little face, wiped away her tears and did what any mother would do. I kissed her. I told her that she is safe and she is loved. I told her that as far as I am know this mommy isn't going anywhere anytime soon. I don't have any plans of heading off to heaven, I don't have a ticket punched or bags packed. I told her that our God, her Heavenly Father has already planned out our days before we were even born and He knows those plans. He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us. So our God is not going to do anything that is going to hurt us. I told her that she has a mawmaw and a pawpaw that love her very much. I reminded her that she has people at church that love her and her sister very much. I told her that people are standing in line to care for her and Kyleigh if anything ever happens to mommy. But then I told her she needs to give that fear to God because it has no place here. I reminded her that daddy made a choice that mommy will NEVER make (yes-there was a time in my past that I could not have boldly made this statement) and that although she misses daddy she will see him again. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I ended the night praying over her the verse from 2 Timothy 1:7 - "for God gave has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control". Today I found another verse about sweet dreams from Proverbs and I have posted both verses above the girls beds. Kaitlyn is always asking me to pray that her dreams are sweet and peaceful and her thoughts are good thoughts so this next verse was perfect. Proverbs 3:24 "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet." The great thing about this is she found great comfort in these verses being written above her bed. She loves prayer and she truly trusts that God has her best interest at heart. I know this will help her through this season of grief we are in right now. I know these questions are far from being over and one day I will one day endure hearing them from the youngest. It's natural. It's reality for these little girls. But it doesn't have to be their destiny! And that is what I love about the whole thing is truth- they are going to overcome!! (1 John 4:4) They can overcome the past that was given to them and the generational curse of this world. They have hope and a future. (Jer 29:11) He promises to restore the years that the locusts have eaten! (Joel 2:25) Our God is just that great and He loves us just that much and more! </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
</span></div>
fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-46881408374126249802014-02-14T07:25:00.000-08:002014-02-14T07:25:21.538-08:00Is it a "Happy" Valentines' Day? Changing the Perspective-
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">So
I wonder how many women are sitting at home today sulking? Sulking because it
is Valentine’s Day. That holiday that comes once a year but is decorated in
every store, celebrated in every restaurant and commercialized by every jewelry
store in America – the cupid, the red, white and pink, the day of “love”. I
have been guilty of it myself. Even when my husband was alive, I would be
bitter if he was working at school and Valentines’ Day was on a weekend because
I wanted that day to be all about “me”.
I would be at home with the kids and wonder, “how dare he go off to work
and leave me home with the kids on the day of “love”?”. I mean sometimes going
away to work is easier, let’s just be honest. Staying home and entertaining
children and keeping up with the house is not an easy task. So I wonder how
many women are in that boat today, mad at their spouse because they are at work
either by force or choice? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">Or
how about the woman that was in a relationship but is recently single whether
it is a break up from a boyfriend or divorce, either way that is a harsh
reality on a day like today. I imagine today is hard for them. They are either
playing it off as no big deal, and silently crying behind closed doors, angry
at the entire day and its shenanigans or still in a state of shock. Maybe you
have always been single, no kids and maybe no pets. That is also a road that
isn’t easy to walk. What about the single mom that wishes her knight in shining
armor was right around the corner with roses and chocolates? Actually she
probably just wishes for a babysitter—hahaha!
Anyways, this day has the potential to be so discouraging to so many
people—men and women actually. I don’t mean to have a one-sided conversation. I
realize there are single men out there hurting just as badly and raising
children alone too. I just am writing from my own experience as a flying solo
woman in this world. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">What
I hope you and others take away from this entry today is that your Valentines’
Day doesn’t have to come from all the energy you put into your spouse or
significant other today. In fact, if you are putting your faith into a human to
meet your needs of intimacy and love then you are going to be truly
disappointed every single time. The truth is that humans cannot fulfill the
deepest needs and wants of intimacy that we have. I am not talking about sex
here, I am talking about “love”. I was guilty of this too. That waiting for my
husband to come home and make my “Valentine’s Day” complete, was thinking he
was the key to love. The concept of , “I can’t live without him or her” is
another false belief of “love”. You CAN live without your spouse and you should
go on living without them. You lived before they came along so why should
things change when they leave? That was my biggest mistake and I would do
anything to help someone else avoid this mistake. You can’t find your identity
and shouldn’t find your identity in your spouse or significant other. They will
never truly satisfy you. Instead, look up and see that the God that created you
and me is truly and madly in love with us. He wants to be your Valentine. Not
just on February 14<sup>th</sup> but every day of the year! God created us in his
image (Gen 1:27) and to do good works that he ordained in us before he created
us! (Eph 2:10) In other words, God didn’t think about us after the fact, he
created us for a purpose! He wanted us, he loved us, he wants us, and that my
friends is love!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> Maybe you are reading this and you
wonder if God is love then why are you single? Or why do I feel alone in my
marriage? Be encouraged my friend that God knows your hurting heart and he is
just waiting for you to bring your hurt to him. You are not meant to walk this
journey alone. Maybe you have been
praying about this situation for a long time. I prayed for deliverance from my
pain for almost two years. Two years!!! For us, that seems like forever but to
God that is just a moment in time. So don’t give up. Keep praying and have
others stand with you in prayer. Maybe you are reading this and you don’t have
this intimate relationship with God that I am talking about. You wonder how I
can freely talk about prayer and love on Valentines’ Day given my past. It’s
easy. God is my Redeemer. He loves me unconditionally. In him there is no
condemnation of my past. He holds no records of wrongs like a spouse would and
he sent his one and only son Jesus to right all of our wrongs. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> If you do not know the Lord Jesus
Christ as your Saviour, if you have never accepted Him in your heart, if you
have never asked God to be your Father, then simply reach out to him today and
make this a Valentine’s Day to remember. Pray this prayer- <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> Dear God, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> I know that
I am sinner. I know that you have <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">sent your Son Jesus to save me from my
sins and he <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">died on the cross for me. I ask you to
come into my heart<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">today. In Jesus name. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> Amen<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">You see, it
wasn’t magical and no fairy dust appeared. You probably didn’t float about as
you prayed either (I hope not anyways). But if you prayed this today, the next
step is to reach out and tell someone. Call a friend at church, call me, get to
a church on Sunday and connect to someone so you can continue growing in your
spiritual walk with God. You can’t go wrong from here! God doesn’t expect you
to clean up your mess first, he wants to bring you in the house with mess and
all, then you can clean up. Kind of like what us moms did this week during the
snowstorm. We didn’t make our kids undress on the front porch. We brought them
inside, slushy mess and all, then we cleaned them up! God is even better than the
best mom! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> I will leave you with this – words
from Laura Story “Blessings” – when you get a chance listen to the entire song,
it’s a good one! It helps remind me that despite all the bad stuff and
circumstances that God is still sovereign and his love for me is undying. He is
my Valentine! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">We pray for blessings, we
pray for peace<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">Comfort for family,
protection while we sleep<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">We pray for healing, for
prosperity<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">We pray for Your mighty hand
to ease our suffering<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">And all the while, You hear
each spoken need<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;"><span style="color: red;"><b>Yet love us way too much to
give us lesser things</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">'Cause what if your blessings
come through rain drops<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">What if Your healing comes
through tears<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">What if a thousand sleepless
nights are what it takes to know You're near<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 13.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Verdana;">What if trials of this life
are Your mercies in disguise<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">So I may be snowed in with my two kids and
have cabin fever. I may not get my yellow roses and favorite Japanese dinner
this year, but I am still blessed beyond all I deserve. I have loved and been
loved. I have life and I am living life like I never lived it before. I am
truly happy and it isn’t because of a box of chocolates- although that does
help (just keeping it real !). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";">So do something nice for yourself.
<b>Celebrate YOU!</b> Celebrate the life God gave to you! Relish in the love of God! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";"><span style="color: #990000;"><b>Happy Valentine’s Day 2014!!! </b></span> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Apple Chancery";"> Love to All- Crystal <a href="http://biblehub.com/ephesians/2-10.htm"></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-23405401885882107812014-02-09T12:07:00.000-08:002014-02-09T12:12:11.641-08:00A Mommy's "Time Out" I had to be real with myself this Sunday morning as I stood in the worship service and sang the words, "You are Good" by Bethel Church. I was convicted of a whiney heart. Yes, I, the mom that can't stand it when my children whine. The mom that puts them on their bed to think about and reflect on what they really want to say needed a "time out" today. Recently, I have been so consumed with what has been going wrong in my little world. If I was honest with myself, I have had a good old fashion pity party with me, myself and I in my bed with the covers pulled up to my head at night. But what has that accomplished really. I have vented and whined to anyone and everyone who would listen about my petty problems. The same person that just a few weeks ago scorned people for forgetting about being grateful they weren't facing real problems in this world like cancer and daily hunger and homelessness. That was me, hypocrite, a person looking for sympathy from a crowd of people that I hoped would stand in my corner and tell me I was right. I wanted, like my children, validation for my whining.<br />
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Can I tell you something, during that song this morning, as the words flowed from my lips, I found myself pausing to confess to God that I was a whining mom and I needed a "time out". I needed a new perspective on the tough times I was facing. As the song says, "in my darkness night, you shine as bright as day" I must agree that God has always come through for me regardless if I have felt his presence, spent time in prayer, or whined like a baby because the truth is my relationship with Him isn't based on what I deserve. If that was the case then what I deserve is much worse than a "time out". But God loves me no matter what and in Him is no condemnation but total forgiveness when we come to him and confess that we have made a mistake. I confessed to Him at that moment that I was sorry for being whiney this week and that I needed Him just as much today as I have needed Him before today. I need Him to direct my path and guard me against decisions that I make out of desperation instead of out of prayerful consideration and waiting on His guidance. </div>
<div>
After that I was able to really participate in worship today and release the guilt and shame I had placed on myself for being selfish this week. I am making it my anthem to follow through with the words of this song this week -- "I'll sing because you are good, and I'll dance because you are good, and I'll shout because you are good, you are good to me!" May my life celebrate with praise from my lips that no matter what in sunshine or rain that God is good to me and that circumstances of this life and people in this world do not determine my attitude. Only I can determine my attitude and I no longer want to be a "whiney mom" but instead a mom that models to her children and others how to handle the bumps of life with dignity. </div>
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fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-58232334903111774262014-01-28T17:56:00.001-08:002014-01-28T17:56:12.968-08:00Our "normal" It's been a while since I have written to you as an audience. I have been re-writing my book and taking some time to reflect on life. We have been busy in the Foster household this year. Kyleigh turned 5 in December. It was a wild celebration day as it was a high of 66 degrees while we played at the Little Gym. Quite different from the previous four years of ice and snow with temperatures freezing. Unfortunately she still had very few friends show up at her actual party this year and they couldn't blame it on the weather this time so I must admit I was disappointed but she didn't seem to mind, as she still smiled and had fun. That's the beauty of being a child, they don't seem to be bothered by the same things that us adults get all worked up about. In fact, she was just happy to be able to jump around to music and eat cake!<br />
Shortly after her birthday of course we celebrated Christmas with my family in Thomasville and then again in Lexington, SC. My niece, Amber had come in from Ohio and so we traveled to see her and it was a great visit and meal by my sis-in-law. Which, may I congratulate her on becoming a registered nurse as well - Elizabeth Kelsey-Maynard, LPN-RN -- Whoop! Whoop!! So very proud of all her hard work! (I hope I put all of the initials in there correctly, I am sure she will tell me if I didn't).<br />
Then just a few days later, after packing like a mad woman, my church family came and moved us from our home to a 2 bedroom apartment just 10 minutes down the road.<br />
Yes, that is correct--I sold our home and we moved on December 28, 2013! It was totally a God thing as the house went on the market right before Halloween, went under contract November 25th and signed on January 3rd. Talk about a quick sell! We are settled now in our cute little apartment. I am happy here. In fact, it is nice to have less space to take care of, a maintenance crew to call when things break and need fixing. The girls share a rather large bedroom, they were able to keep their own beds. Both bedrooms have a walk-in closet, which for an apartment is a great accessory. There is a patio and storage area attached to my room. We also have a little sunroom off the living room that works as a play area too. It is just enough space for us. The girls were able to remain at their current schools and that was also important to me. Kaitlyn is very attached to her teachers and other staff at Pearce and they love her. Kyleigh is in preK and changing her now would be very difficult. I am still on medical leave with the state department.<br />
I am working on re-writing the book that I self published. I am excited about the opportunity to attend the SheSpeaks conference in July with Proverbs31 Ministries. I hope to meet with a publisher and get my name out and possibly if it is meant to be get a contract. I want to return back to the work force but I have no idea what that looks like for me right now. I do know that it doesn't look like returning to full time teaching. So until the door opens and I have a clear cut answer, I wait and I pray and I write.<br />
I have come off of most of my medications. I am doing very well medically speaking. I am using Essential Oils now to help manage my migraines. They are helping me tremendously as well as going to the chiropractor once a month. I believe there is a connection between your health and your spine. I also believe that we have moved away from using healing treatments of the past that were proven to work such as Essential Oils. I truly believe and I can say from experience that if Frankincense Oil was good enough for baby Jesus then it is good enough for me to use to control my migraines. Trust me when I say it along with the combination of other oils has helped keep me away from emergency rooms and pain killers since Thanksgiving! I am so grateful for learning about this natural way of treating migraines.<br />
Another major thing that has occurred since my last entry is that we have reached our "normal". What does that look like? What does that mean exactly? I remember hating it when people said to me back in 2011, "you will find your new normal one day". I just wanted to punch them and scream. Honestly, I wanted to say to those people, "So when you woke up today were you hoping to find a new normal?". Of course not, no one wants to find a new "normal". Re-doing life is hard and painful and for lack of a better word- it sucks! I remember sitting with a close friend from church and we tried so hard to come up with a word to describe how hard this journey was going to be and there was not a single word in the thesaurus that fit better than "sucks". I didn't want "new normal". I just wanted things to go back to how they were before May 13, 2011. I wanted my "normal". Come to find out in this journey of healing that I have been on, my life before 2011 wasn't "normal", it was far from normal and it wasn't healthy. I had to endure a lot of growing since that awful day. My children are still dealing with the after effects of that day. But the good news is we are reaching "our new normal".<br />
I remember the day very clear. It was January 8, 2014 and we were walking across the parking lot of the grocery store to the car. We had just returned back to the car from going inside to use the restroom and we were holding hands, interlocked, and swinging our arms back and forth as we walked. There was a slight breeze in the air and the sun was shining just so through the clouds as if the rays were wings of angels. I could almost hear singing. Right then, at that very moment a smile crept across my face and a giggle bubbled up from inside my soul to my lips and out of my mouth. My girls and I skipped to the car hand in hand as if this is what we have always done our entire lives. Just us three, together. It was NORMAL. We were Happily "even" after the storms of life had tried to take us down.<br />
There you go--I gave you a little glimpse into my book with that last sentence. I hope you are smiling with me right now knowing that we are doing just fine.<br />
<br />
Blessings from the Foster Girls!fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-42056907427003235562013-06-03T15:17:00.002-07:002013-06-03T15:17:37.169-07:00A Change of PaceAs of June 14, 2013 I will no longer be employed by Guilford County Schools. I am going to be staying home. I will be mom, volunteer at school and church, and whatever else this new path leads me down. I am excited about the change and nervous at the same time. It is going to be challenging to live on such a tight budget but I know we can do it. I am taking a huge leap of faith and trusting God to meet our needs as He hasn't let us down in the past.fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-45693019028356813152013-05-21T18:53:00.003-07:002013-05-21T18:53:37.322-07:00Choosing to Believe I have begun a study on Jonah: Navigating Life's Interruptions by Priscilla Shirer and it is absolutely wonderful. Of course, I know the Sunday School version of Jonah and the big fish but delving deep into the story of who Jonah was and who God changed Jonah by allowing an interruption to become a divine intervention in his life is a whole different story. After reading today the study asked of the readers to write in the margins something we depend on God for in our lives. My answer was that I am totally dependent on him to meet my needs for finances, help me in raising my girls and making decisions that impact our family.<br />
Before praying I decided to listen to my new Phillips Craig & Dean CD "Breathe In". The song "I Choose to Believe" is on this CD and I had never heard it before today. But when it played my dining room/living area became a praise and worship ground for Christ as well as an altar of prayer. Here are the lyrics but I encourage you to seek out the song for yourself to hear them sing it so you can worship too.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Verse 1 </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Didn't take long for my whole world to change</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">One phone call now life will never be the same</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">It's like I'm watching my whole world go dark</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Nothing makes much sense but still with all my heart</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Chorus</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">I choose to believe</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">And never give up hope</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">God is good </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">He's in control</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">I'll keep the faith, and trust in His ways</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">And even when His face is hard to see</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">I choose to believe</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Verse 2</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">It's easy to believe when everything goes our way</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">But we're all gonna go through fires that test our faith</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Life hurts so much that we can hardly breathe</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">We're begging to know why? But it's such a mystery</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Chorus</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Even when my world is shaken</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">even when my heart is breakin'</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Even when it seems He's takin' so long</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Chorus </span><br />
<br />
As verse 2 began I found myself on my knees before God thanking him for being there the past two years and not giving up on me when I was frustrated and giving up because things weren't and hadn't gone my way. My faith had been tested in a way I never imagined it could be and I thanked him for pulling me out of the pit of fire and back into the safety of His arms. Truth is He never promised me a life without trouble and pain so it shouldn't have been a shock that life can and does hurt so bad that it takes your breath away. I will never have my answer to the question of why. After a lot of praying I found that God met me right in my kitchen today. I hope you can join me and emphatically say, "I Choose to Believe", if not then consider finding out how loving my God is and make the choice to follow Him today.<br />
fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-80206481653054557042013-01-17T03:25:00.002-08:002013-01-17T03:25:51.443-08:00Not ImmuneSo it seems you can avoid catching a cold and other winter illnesses but you can't be immune to the side effects of medicines. Monday Kyleigh was added to the family diagnosis of mood disorder and given the drug Abilify but for her it is a little strong so we have to make sure she eats first otherwise she vomits badly. In addition, at the same exact time Kaitlyn begins an out of the blue fever and sore throat and is being tested for strept. It has definitely been a week here in the Foster household. But I can't complain because we have avoided the FLU and I praise GOD for that. I also am thankful that I AM NOT sick and I continue to pray it stays that way.<br />
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Thanks and keep us in your prayers.<br />
Crystalfostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-77693402931697042022012-12-25T12:08:00.004-08:002012-12-25T12:08:57.141-08:00Christmas 2012- A Long Journey Worthwhile
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<span style="font-family: Papyrus;">It is Christmas Morning 2012 and the girls are sleeping soundly
because it is still only 3:45 am. I have tossed and turned all night long and
can’t seem to rest completely. I am eager to see how the girls react not only
to their Santa gift but also to their gift from me. I probably did the single
mother guilt overboard gift giving this year as I purchased them both a mini
iPad. However, they both know how to use them and they both use mine and fight
over using mine so I figured I might as well get them one their size and let
them use it for their benefit. I put games and activities appropriate for each
child on their tablet. They will be so excited in the morning. I also bought
mom and dad their very own iPad this year and I pray they also enjoy theirs.
For mamaw she is going to be thrilled with her blanket with all the
grandchildren’s names and our family names on it. She will enjoy tremendously
the thought it took behind such a gift. She will also enjoy just watching the
girls, as their granny, she is thrilled, just to be a part of their lives and I
am blessed to still have her around.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Papyrus;">
My parents opened their “stocking bag” last night and we played the first game
of Deluxe Scrabble together. It was a lot of fun. Mom beat me by one silly
point. Yet, she still won fair and square. Dad on the other hand tries his best
to make words that are slang sound like real words just to make his words fit
on the board, it is too cute to watch and listen to him try and elicit and
reason behind his thought process. Regardless, it was fun just playing a game
with my parents like we did back a long time ago when I was a child still at
home. I miss those days.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Papyrus;">
We had no trouble convincing the children to go to bed because they were so
tired and they wanted Santa to come on to the house quickly. My dad even fibbed
and told them he saw on the radar that Santa was in Virginia headed towards
Raleigh and then Greensboro. The girls were familiar with the location of
Raleigh and so they quickly didn’t argue and fell fast asleep. I was able to
finish their stockings and prepare their Santa gifts quickly. Santa brought
them name puzzles, books with their own bear and name, sleep light pillows, and
a Karaoke machine. I think I am most excited to see them use the Karaoke
machine myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: Papyrus;">
I realize this is the 2nd Christmas we have spent the night with mom and dad.
This year feels different, it feels better. I am less stressed and less
emotional at this very moment. Of course that can all change in a matter of
minutes but last year I was still crying constantly. I am so thankful to feel
some release. I still miss the presence of Dennis on these big holidays and can’t
help but think of the impact it has on the children but I stand on the promises
of God that he is our Father and He will never forsake us and that maybe, just
maybe, Dennis regrets his decision and he is spending this Christmas in tears
wishing he could come home. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Papyrus;">It amazes me how far along this journey we have
come as a family of three but we haven’t done it alone. In fact, we aren’t a
family of three anymore. We are a mom, two little girls and a huge church
family, friends, and grandparents that support us financially, spiritually,
emotionally, and physically the past year and a half. My girls have grown to be
loved and nurtured by so many people and some even more so than myself. I have
been nurtured and learned from so many women and men of God as well. My life
has forever been changed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Papyrus;">The past year and a half I have sought out ways to
punish myself for not being a good mother, for not being a wife that could
intercede on behalf of Dennis and prevent the decision he made, for not being
the teacher everyone expected me, for not being emotionally strong as I wanted
and others expected from me after a period of grieving. I began self-injurious
behaviors, attempted suicide, isolation, entered deep depression, and suffered
severe panic and anxiety attacks. Some of these symptoms still plague me today
but they do not define who I am. Why? Because who I am is a child of God and I
am His creation. He made me wonderfully and beautiful. He doesn’t wish for me
to harm myself anymore. He has plans for me to prosper (Jer 29:11). He wants me
to simply rely on Him for the strength I need to cope with the panic, anxiety
and depression that I face as a result of my diagnosis of a mental illness. He
doesn’t wish that this keep me from sharing His word or reaching women with my
story. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Papyrus;">Instead, God has given me a clear vision of a path
that shows one day I will share this painful yet beautiful journey of
challenges that changed my life forever with many women so that they may also
be blessed and understand that they too can be forgiven and live through
tragedies that life brings their way. Until then, I wait for the whisper of the
Holy Spirit to speak to me, I soak up His word like a sponge, I follow doctor
orders while on medical leave of absence, I attend counseling sessions for help
with my own emotional well-being, and I work hard to be the best mom that God
would have me to be for my little girls. I want to be the best Jesus they ever
see this side of heaven. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-1537379566621670542012-12-25T12:08:00.000-08:002012-12-25T12:08:09.231-08:00Disney World December 7th-10th we went with our good friends the Richardsons' to Disney World. We flew and stayed at the Grand Floridian Hotel on site. It was a great time for all. It was the girls first time ever and my 2nd time. We met princesses and characters at breakfast meals, we met Minnie Mouse and saw Fantasmic show, we saw Belle at her play and in person, the girls dressed as Belle at the princess breakfast, they rode rides, it was a blast for all. We are already saving to go again in 3 years. Pictures to come soon.fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-25851083551524811022012-09-05T16:01:00.000-07:002012-09-05T16:01:03.354-07:00A New Year Has Begun A new school year that is! Kaitlyn and I began a few weeks ago. Teacher workdays began Aug 20th and Kaitlyn's first day of 2nd grade was August 27th! Yes, I can't believe it. Seems like yesterday I was blogging about her first day of Pre-K and here I am telling you she is a big 2nd grader walking down the hall all by herself not holding my hand, waving good-bye and if I'm lucky I get a sweet hug and kiss as she passes by me every now and then. Kyleigh began her 2nd year at Wee School, it is a 1/2 day program for preschoolers. She loves it there. She is 3 1/2 so she is in the 3 year old Dragonflies Classroom. She just started this week September 4th. She talks about Ms. Julie non-stop so that must be a good thing.<br />
We had a wonderful nanny and friend, Becca, all summer long that had to leave us to go corporate for health benefits. She is still our friend but not our nanny. We were sad and everyone, including Becca (although she might not admit it) cried her last day. CPS has released weekday restrictions and that day was a weepy one too because we had grown attached to Kathy White staying the night with us. She was a great playmate and friend for the girls and a wonderful role model and night time talk companion for myself. We all cried that night as well, even Kathy or as Kyleigh says in her southern speech impediment Kafy Whiii---iiit--te.<br />
We were so blessed that Kathy White and DayStar worked to help us find a replacement nanny or should I say nannies for the girls right away. So now we have Ms D or (Deana) for Kyleigh in the mornings/daytime for Kyleigh and Ms. Becca aka to the girls as "Becca-Becca" for Kaitlyn and Kyleigh for afternoon car rider line and evening help at the house for me. It has been great to have the extra set of hands. Both nannies have a loving touch with children and my kids seem to have already given them the thumbs up.<br />
I am teaching Resource EC Special Education this year and I absolute am loving the new change in positions. The children are great and they seem to just soak up the attention they get from me and my intern. They really want to learn and that makes me happy. I enjoy going into the classrooms for inclusion and helping the teachers as well.<br />
It is a win-win for all.<br />
Currently we wait for an update on the girls eyes as they have a follow-up appointment coming soon. Until then, keep thinking of us in your prayer time.fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-44230786107848384782012-08-12T13:22:00.001-07:002012-08-12T13:22:19.231-07:00Kaitlyn's EyeKailtyn had surgery to implant a glaucomic shunt in her left eye on Wed, August 8th at Duke Eye center. She had Dr. M a retina specialists and Dr. Freedman the glaucomic specialists working together as a team. It was the same procedure Kyleigh had in February of 2011. Kaitlyn went back into the Operating Room like a champion and came out in Recovery the same way. She was so brave and I was so very proud of her. She experience an unusual amount of pain in comparison to her sister. However they shared the similar experience of nausea and vomiting after waking from the anesthesia. Thankfully I had Kathy White from DayStar, our children's director, with us because I do NOT handle vomit at all. Kaitlyn returned for post op the next day and found she had a corneal scratch the size of an adult contact lens. OUCH! No wonder she was in such pain. We were doing tylenol round the clock and continued this along with adding a gel-like lubricating eye drop to the regiment of already 8 eye drops a day to the left eye.<br />
Friday morning she awoke and her eye was hurting worse and she it was not looking better. In fact, it looked worse and the lashes had goopy gross mucus on them. Not a good sign. So we call the doctors and you guessed it, we head to Duke for an afternoon appointment and see the fellow as Dr. Freedman is in surgery all day. The decision is made that she is probably having irritation from the lens and surgery itself. Her eye is probably extra lubricating and trying to force out what it sees as a foreign object - the band aid contact lens being used to repair the scratch. So they said to not worry and continue what we are doing and come back Monday.<br />
Except, she awoke Saturday morning and after crying through the night in her sleep she literally had her eye glued shut from the goop this time and her eye was more red and irritated. I immediate send an email and call the doctor. She calls back and asks me to send a picture of the eye. Then she said to wait and take another picture later in the day and if it doesn't look better she wants to see us at the emergency room that day at Duke. I was praying hard that we would avoid this fourth visit down the highway to Durham and praying that we could avoid an ER visit. When I sent the second picture the doctor was convinced that the eye was not infected but may be reacting to one of the drops. We stopped using one of the suspicious eye drops that could be causing an allergic reaction. We were using lubricant gel drops about every 30 minutes to an hour. We increased the tylenol to 3 chewables every 4 hours to manage the pain.<br />
Sunday morning, the eye has less goop but still complaining of pain and still has drainage. Unfortunately or fortunately, however you see it the contact lens came out today. Bad news is it may have come out too soon. Good news is they were thinking of taking it out tomorrow and this is one less traumatic event that the doctor will have to do to her in the office. However, this does mean I will have to add in another step of using an ointment under her eyelids tonight which is not an easy task as I can't let the tip touch her eye and she has to remain very still.<br />
At this time, based on Friday's visit, Kaitlyn has NO vision in her left eye. We are praying with expectancy that she will have a total healing and restored vision and lowered eye pressure in this eye quickly. Tomorrow, Monday, August 13th is another post op visit. Stay tuned for more updates.fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-70120287512583781622012-08-05T05:42:00.001-07:002012-08-05T05:42:34.625-07:00Embracing Change...isn't an easy roadI recently made a very poor decision that I didn't think I was worthy to exist and be a mom anymore. Thankfully God saw differently. I was given the opportunity to attend His High Places again in Boone, NC for a full week of one- on- one counseling. The focus was where was all my anger coming from, what scared me so much about parenthood as a single mom, self doubt, and trusting God. My counselor was Natalie again and she is truly a gift of God sent to heal hearts. She helped me identify the roots of my anger and I found myself literally at the feet of Jesus cross and crying out for Him to heal me of this anger, to sever this sin so that it may not continue as a generational root into my children. I wantmy kids to see Jesus in me and love Christ and look back and say they knew they were loved by a Heavenly Father and Earthly Mother. I went on a nature walk with Natalie which turned into a trust walk with God. Trusting he would take care of us going down and back up from the blue hole. We took some beautiful pictures and saw some more angel rays. My confidence continued to grow as I spent time talking, reading, singing, and dancing through the word of God. Wednesday I drove back to Greensboro just to see an oncologist and get the best news that I am CANCER FREE! I was elated. The drive was well worth the good news. I returned the same evening humbled that God had once again spared me. By Friday, I had a plan for how I was ready to return hom a stronger mom and ready to unify as a family of 3. Only one problem, I am still under restriction of Child Family Services temporarily. I understand it is to keep my kids safe. I would never hurt them but the concern was I may hurt myself and they would be home alone. The good news is I have been freedom in Christ that the Shackles of Death have been removed from my feet and hands and I can dance and embrace life. I may never do it perfectly but I am ready to try and be the mom God sees and has in store for me. I think he has so much in store for me, more than I can even dream. I even feel a pull from the Holy Spirit that soon I may be on. A whole new path separate from this current one I am traveling. The other gift God gaveme through this tragedy is He allowed me to release and truly forgive Dennis for suicide. For the first time I truly felt what it was like to be in that moment of darkness and pit and unable to turn around. I sympathize with him. I don't see him as selfish at all. I don't care what others say. I don't think he was cowardly. I think he was convinced by lies it was best. He will be missed but I have released him- soul, mind and body. He will always be my children's father and my love. But I have the freedom to move forward and that adds peace to my life. If God sees one day to send someone our way I will be very cautious but not resistant because I have released Dennis to Him. For now, my goal is to strengthen and unify the three of us as a family. Please join me in prayer that were success at this new journey now that my heart is ready.<br />
Thank you to all who have supported in prayer, visits, calls, cards, child care, encouraging words, those that have withheld judgment, and those that continue to share life with us in this crazy life.fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-68377227119331601382012-07-09T06:36:00.001-07:002012-07-09T06:36:47.953-07:00Cute SayingsLately I have been trying to identify cute sayings to remember and record from the girls.<br />
Today was a perfect example. Kyleigh has really blossomed with her vocabulary but she doesn't always speak it in the correct way. Anyways, this morning I was taking the trash to the curb and my shadow was in the playroom eating but she realized I was not in the house. She all of a sudden came to the outside door and said, "my mommy, where are you?". I said, "I am right here". She replied, "oh tank goodness, I wuz wooking for woo everywhere". I thought that was so cute and funny. Then she proceeded to follow me around the house the entire morning until Ms. Becca arrived.<br />
<br />
The other cute thing is between her and Kaitlyn-<br />
Kaitlyn will you be my baby?<br />
No, not right now Kyleigh.<br />
Ugh...mommy, Aitlyn on't be my baby!<br />
<br />
or....<br />
Kait...lyn.....do woo on't to be my dog?<br />
<br />
What?!!!<br />
<br />
Imaginations! Yes, my kids are finally delving into the world of make believe play. It is so funny.fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-47887342175619170762012-07-08T18:03:00.000-07:002012-07-08T18:03:50.262-07:00Lows, highs, and in BetweensSo today and pretty much this weekend I have spent time on the wheel of grief stuck in sad and angry. I reached out for support and found I was once again alone. That made it ten times worse. So, I decided to try and avoid the disappointment and ignore the hurt and pretend my life was perfect. It didn't work because I don't have a good poker face and I have decided wearing masks are for fake people. Thankfully, a good friend stopped by tonight with her daughter. Her daughter entertained my girls and Icely and I talked. I finally released bent up tears from the week. Icely prayed for me and the weight of the weekend lifted from my shoulders momentarily. I know this is just a season. I also know that this is a cycle and it is part of my life forever. I have no choice but to face it. I just need people willing, like Icely, to face it with me in the trenches- tears, snot and all.fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-74218381295391851842012-07-07T19:50:00.000-07:002012-07-07T19:52:32.252-07:00All Those with an opinion....Please rise!Here's your chance.... You have something to say to me but don't want to say it to my face because you think it will hurt me or anger me, then Email me at mommy2kaitlyn726@yahoo.com or post comment on this spot.<br />
<br />
Rumor has it that someone thinks the following:<br />
<br />
You think it is easy to be me.<br />
You think I should be well on my way to a new life by now.<br />
The journey of grief should be over.<br />
You could do my life better.<br />
What it is it? You lost a family member too so you know how this feels----wait was it a spouse----wait....did they commit suicide....wait....did you find that person dead?<br />
<br />
Be careful how you respond because words are powerful. Words are very powerful.<br />
<br />
Pass no judgment that you are not ready to hear a response back from me.fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-76255181503019034122012-07-07T18:21:00.001-07:002012-07-07T18:21:31.744-07:00No Migraine Here TonightAwesome!
An entire day!!!!
Booyah!!!!fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-77146474439562289512012-07-07T11:31:00.000-07:002012-07-07T11:31:00.581-07:00A Not So Filtered Letter to Dennis So I wrote Dennis another letter today from the heart but it wasn't so filtered this time. Nope, I was pretty straight forward and angry with him. It was a lot about abandonment. Not just by him, but I blamed him for the abandonment of all the people that call me "friend". Yet day in and day out I sit by the phone that doesn't ring or barely a text comes through. Day in and day out I am home with my two children and often my only adult conversation is with my very funny nanny Becca who has become more of a friend than a worker, counselor or my parents. Church people have become "obligated friends" in that they check on me out of true Christian heart. Co-workers are caring but they are co-workers. College friends are too busy or live too far away. My closest friends say they just don't know what to say and it's awkward because of my anger, depression and pain.<br />
So my letter to Dennis was blaming him because I have every right to be ANGRY, DEPRESSED and in PAIN but I also have every right to have GIRL FRIENDS to celebrate LIFE with. GIRL FRIENDS that can separate from their spouses and children and have fun with me. GIRL FRIENDS that can invite me and the girls to be a part of their daily lives because they truly love us. So basically, I told Dennis while he was up there on the fluffy cloud to make sure he sent me some real honest to goodness women that can withstand the storms of life with me because it isn't a bed of roses around here. Send me women that can laugh with me over stupid stuff, go out and enjoy pedicures, movies, shopping, eating with and without kids, invite us over for play dates and truly be available in the heat of the moment.<br />
I can no longer go through this life, 14 months later, being the lonely widow. It isn't fair, I didn't ask for it. I still have hope and joy in my life and I want badly to share this with friends but I look around and I find prayer friends, bible study friends, "hi, how are you friends", let's meet at the park every blue moon friends and people that love me but no one really that wants to or can walk my new journey side by side. This breaks my heart and the letter you are reading is much more filtered than the one he received. I long for friendships. I need it for my next step in healing. Maybe it will happen soon or maybe it will take more time but I have learned that patience isn't a virtue that I hold in my basket of gifts.fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3585954135441931399.post-822081525105021502012-07-06T20:06:00.001-07:002012-07-06T20:06:21.723-07:00Sneak Peak into Chapter One...Flash Back<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Papyrus; font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;">
<!--StartFragment-->
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Papyrus; font-size: medium;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Papyrus;">My hand went to the garage door button immediately
which caused it to close (it had been cracked) and my eyes went to the green
hose that was duct taped to the pipe of his truck and running to the window of
the driver side. I could see his head laid back on the head rest. I gasp for
air. I hit the garage door button again while simultaneously calling 911. I
begin screaming my address into the phone “HELP….6603 Highland Oak Drive….6603
Highland Oak Drive…HELP….Please someone help me…my husband is trying to kill
himself….6603 Highland Oak Drive…..I need an ambulance NOW!!!!!”. At the same
time I have run into the middle of the street in my pjs and barefeet screaming
for “Help!!!” and then I run across to Bobby and Janet’s home and bang on their
door and ring the bell while still yelling at 911 operator to help me. Janet
answers with a panic look. Bobby asks me what is it? I point to the house, I
scream, “He’s killing himself…stop him” “HELP ME”. I throw the phone at Janet
and run back across to my neighbor the fireman and ring his doorbell and start
yelling for him to come help too. His wife answers. I’m about to pass out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Papyrus; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
can’t believe this is happening right now. This isn’t happening right now. What
is happening right now? Someone please wake me up from this! </span><!--EndFragment-->
</span>fostergirlsandfamilyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00103016794410366246noreply@blogger.com0