Grieving is Hard Work

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a counselor from Hospice of Pallative Care. She was so kind and let me just cry, something I needed to do. I have been working on healing both physically and emotionally now for almost 6 months and this was my first visit at Hospice. She shared with me this letter that I think says it all to those who care about me---

Dear Friends and Family,

I have experienced a loss that is devastating to me. It will take time, perhaps year, for me to work through the grief I am having because of this loss.

I will cry more than usual for some time. My tears are not a sign of weakness or lack of hope or faith. They are the symbols of the depth of my loss and the sign that I am beginning to recover.

I may become angry without there seeming to be a reason for it. My emotions after all are heightened by the stress of grief. Please be forgiving if I seem irrational at times.

I need your understanding and your presence more than anything else. If you don't know what to say, just touch me or give me a hug to let me know you care. Please don't wait for me to call you, I am often too tired to even think of reaching out for the help I need.

Don't allow me to withdraw from you. I need your more than ever during the next year.

Pray for me, only if your prayer is not an order for me to make you feel better. My faith is not an excuse from the process of grief.

If you, by chance, have had experience of the loss of a spouse to suicide, then share with me. You can't possibly make me feel worse if your experience is similar.

This loss is the worst thing that could happen to me. But I WILL get through it and I WILL live right again. I WILL not always feel as I do now. I WILL laugh again and enjoy friends and family again.

Thank you for caring about me. Your concern is a gift I will always treasure.

Love Crystal