Each night is the same bedtime routine at my house:
lights out (except night lights)
sound machine on
prayers and kisses
This past Saturday night instead of me walking out the door after kisses, I found myself holding my oldest while she cried. I waited until her crying was soft and she could talk. Those that know my daughter can appreciate that she is wise beyond her years in some ways yet quite sensitive and still very young at the same time. She expressed her fears in the following statement:
"Mommy, What if I wake and you are dead? What if you die and go to heaven and it is just me and Kyleigh? What will happen to me? What will I do? Who will adopt me? Will anyone love me? Who will take care of us?"
I grabbed that little face, wiped away her tears and did what any mother would do. I kissed her. I told her that she is safe and she is loved. I told her that as far as I am know this mommy isn't going anywhere anytime soon. I don't have any plans of heading off to heaven, I don't have a ticket punched or bags packed. I told her that our God, her Heavenly Father has already planned out our days before we were even born and He knows those plans. He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us. So our God is not going to do anything that is going to hurt us. I told her that she has a mawmaw and a pawpaw that love her very much. I reminded her that she has people at church that love her and her sister very much. I told her that people are standing in line to care for her and Kyleigh if anything ever happens to mommy. But then I told her she needs to give that fear to God because it has no place here. I reminded her that daddy made a choice that mommy will NEVER make (yes-there was a time in my past that I could not have boldly made this statement) and that although she misses daddy she will see him again.
I ended the night praying over her the verse from 2 Timothy 1:7 - "for God gave has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control". Today I found another verse about sweet dreams from Proverbs and I have posted both verses above the girls beds. Kaitlyn is always asking me to pray that her dreams are sweet and peaceful and her thoughts are good thoughts so this next verse was perfect. Proverbs 3:24 "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet." The great thing about this is she found great comfort in these verses being written above her bed. She loves prayer and she truly trusts that God has her best interest at heart. I know this will help her through this season of grief we are in right now. I know these questions are far from being over and one day I will one day endure hearing them from the youngest. It's natural. It's reality for these little girls. But it doesn't have to be their destiny! And that is what I love about the whole thing is truth- they are going to overcome!! (1 John 4:4) They can overcome the past that was given to them and the generational curse of this world. They have hope and a future. (Jer 29:11) He promises to restore the years that the locusts have eaten! (Joel 2:25) Our God is just that great and He loves us just that much and more!