Embracing Change...isn't an easy road

I recently made a very poor decision that I didn't think I was worthy to exist and be a mom anymore. Thankfully God saw differently. I was given the opportunity to attend His High Places again in Boone, NC for a full week of one- on- one counseling. The focus was where was all my anger coming from, what scared me so much about parenthood as a single mom, self doubt, and trusting God. My counselor was Natalie again and she is truly a gift of God sent to heal hearts. She helped me identify the roots of my anger and I found myself literally at the feet of Jesus cross and crying out for Him to heal me of this anger, to sever this sin so that it may not continue as a generational root into my children. I wantmy kids to see Jesus in me and love Christ and look back and say they knew they were loved by a Heavenly Father and Earthly Mother. I went on a nature walk with Natalie which turned into a trust walk with God. Trusting he would take care of us going down and back up from the blue hole. We took some beautiful pictures and saw some more angel rays. My confidence continued to grow as I spent time talking, reading, singing, and dancing through the word of God. Wednesday I drove back to Greensboro just to see an oncologist and get the best news that I am CANCER FREE! I was elated. The drive was well worth the good news. I returned the same evening humbled that God had once again spared me. By Friday, I had a plan for how I was ready to return hom a stronger mom and ready to unify as a family of 3. Only one problem, I am still under restriction of Child Family Services temporarily. I understand it is to keep my kids safe. I would never hurt them but the concern was I may hurt myself and they would be home alone. The good news is I have been freedom in Christ that the Shackles of Death have been removed from my feet and hands and I can dance and embrace life. I may never do it perfectly but I am ready to try and be the mom God sees and has in store for me. I think he has so much in store for me, more than I can even dream. I even feel a pull from the Holy Spirit that soon I may be on. A whole new path separate from this current one I am traveling.  The other gift God gaveme through this tragedy is He allowed me to release and truly forgive Dennis for suicide. For the first time I truly felt what it was like to be in that moment of darkness and pit and unable to turn around. I sympathize with him. I don't see him as selfish at all. I don't care what others say. I don't think he was cowardly. I think he was convinced by lies it was best. He will be missed but I have released him- soul, mind and body. He will always be my children's father and my love. But I have the freedom to move forward and that adds peace to my life. If God sees one day to send someone our way I will be very cautious but not resistant because I have released Dennis to Him. For now, my goal is to strengthen and unify the three of us as a family. Please join me in prayer that were success at this new journey now that my heart is ready.
Thank you to all who have supported in prayer, visits, calls, cards, child care, encouraging words, those that have withheld judgment, and those that continue to share life with us in this crazy life.