Sunday, December 15, 2019

Decisions- Just do the next right thing!


How many decisions do we make a day? Internet sources indicate we make around 35,000 decisions a day! Whoa! How many of those decisions are made based on parenting? As a mom, single mom, I feel like most of those decisions revolve around my parenting. From the moment of conception, we had to start making decisions. I have been thinking a lot about decisions lately and how our decisions can predict our outcomes. I have made decisions of-

Disposable vs Cloth

Bottle vs Breast

Vaccines vs Unvaccinated

Baby Wise vs Intuition

Cry it Out vs Cry with

Timeout vs Spanking vs losing privileges

Public school vs Private school vs Charter school vs Homeschool

Working career vs Stay at home

and the list goes on and on.

                What I am learning along the way is that there really isn’t a wrong or right answer to these choices. I chose for each kid at the time what I thought was right. The saying, I did the best I could at the time. This is true. At times I wish I could change some of these decisions but not because of regret but rather because I wonder how the different choice would have changed things. I have learned to take criticism and suggestions with a grain of salt. That my own motherly instincts are usually close on target. I am grateful for the women and men in my life (mainly my dad) that speak truth into me and are there when I need advice. Sometimes I am afraid of making the wrong decision.

                Did allowing them to cry it out (most of the time) lead them to a life of anxiety and trust issues? Did vaccination change the metabolic system and leave them susceptible to disorders? Did spanking my children when I was angry cause damage to them. Let’s be honest, I was never calm and deliberate with this form of punishment. Hence, why I stopped a long time ago. Did not spanking send them the message they could run the roost? Is working full time preventing me from being the mom they need? And on and on and on the debate goes in my head. Rarely do I switch to the positive when debating my decisions. However, at the end of the day I believe with my heart that I have done the very best I could at the time.

                My latest decision was placing my oldest in residential care in TN. I have debated with myself over and over again if that was the right decision. Did I do everything possible to prevent this from being the solution? Did I exacerbate all other options before relenting her to placement? Is this what is best for her or should I be researching and advocating for something else? The answer to all of these questions lies not in the answer themselves but in my faith.

                I am coming to realize that I need faith. I must trust that the God of my understanding loves me and loves her. I must believe. After all, that is what faith is all about. Believing in that which we can not see or understand. I believe we can make mistakes and yet God will take care of it. So, if this decision turns out to be the wrong one, God can change it too.

                In another post I mentioned my support system. There have been countless prayers, calls, texts, and acts of kindness in relation to this last decision. I have felt and appreciated every single one of them. I often don’t know the answer for “how can I help” because I don’t really know what helpful right is now. So just keep praying and loving on us the best you know how. That’s all anyone can do- the next right thing.

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