How many decisions do we make a
day? Internet sources indicate we make around 35,000 decisions a day! Whoa! How
many of those decisions are made based on parenting? As a mom, single mom, I
feel like most of those decisions revolve around my parenting. From the moment
of conception, we had to start making decisions. I have been thinking a lot
about decisions lately and how our decisions can predict our outcomes. I have
made decisions of-
Disposable vs Cloth
Bottle vs Breast
Vaccines vs Unvaccinated
Baby Wise vs Intuition
Cry it Out vs Cry with
Timeout vs Spanking vs losing privileges
Public school vs Private school vs Charter school vs Homeschool
Working career vs Stay at home
and the list goes on and on.
What I
am learning along the way is that there really isn’t a wrong or right answer to
these choices. I chose for each kid at the time what I thought was right. The saying,
I did the best I could at the time. This is true. At times I wish I could
change some of these decisions but not because of regret but rather because I wonder
how the different choice would have changed things. I have learned to take
criticism and suggestions with a grain of salt. That my own motherly instincts
are usually close on target. I am grateful for the women and men in my life
(mainly my dad) that speak truth into me and are there when I need advice. Sometimes
I am afraid of making the wrong decision.
Did
allowing them to cry it out (most of the time) lead them to a life of anxiety
and trust issues? Did vaccination change the metabolic system and leave them
susceptible to disorders? Did spanking my children when I was angry cause
damage to them. Let’s be honest, I was never calm and deliberate with this form
of punishment. Hence, why I stopped a long time ago. Did not spanking send them
the message they could run the roost? Is working full time preventing me from
being the mom they need? And on and on and on the debate goes in my head. Rarely
do I switch to the positive when debating my decisions. However, at the end of
the day I believe with my heart that I have done the very best I could at the
time.
My
latest decision was placing my oldest in residential care in TN. I have debated
with myself over and over again if that was the right decision. Did I do
everything possible to prevent this from being the solution? Did I exacerbate
all other options before relenting her to placement? Is this what is best for
her or should I be researching and advocating for something else? The answer to
all of these questions lies not in the answer themselves but in my faith.
I am
coming to realize that I need faith. I must trust that the God of my
understanding loves me and loves her. I must believe. After all, that is what
faith is all about. Believing in that which we can not see or understand. I believe
we can make mistakes and yet God will take care of it. So, if this decision
turns out to be the wrong one, God can change it too.
In another
post I mentioned my support system. There have been countless prayers, calls,
texts, and acts of kindness in relation to this last decision. I have felt and
appreciated every single one of them. I often don’t know the answer for “how
can I help” because I don’t really know what helpful right is now. So just keep
praying and loving on us the best you know how. That’s all anyone can do- the
next right thing.
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