2 Days in 1

Tears of Sadness and Tears of Joy

Today I rejoice of because my girls love me so much. Their faces light up the moment they see me enter the room. They can't hardly wait for me to get through the door of my parents house before they want to embrace me with hugs and kisses and almost knock me over. It brings such joy to my heart and sweet tears. I am overjoyed by the love of a wonderful mother, father and mawmaw that loved on them during the night so that I could try and get a good night sleep. I was held by a good friend Sissy Silver as I cried for the loss of my husband last night. But recognizing that it is pure joy to count that my life is surrounded still by friends that care and love me dearly.

Tears of Sadness still flow from my face and in my heart as I work to put the broken pieces back together. I still don't and may never be able to truly understand why Dennis left us prematurely on this earth one year ago today. It truly was the worst day of my life when I found him dead in our garage. The images and smells of carbon dioxide still haunt me. I work hard to replace them with the good memories of times shared with him. I loved him with every fiber of my being. He was a good father, husband, and hard working man that had one major downfall--he didn't know when to ask for help and forgiveness so he took the only way out he knew. My prayers are that no one else I know will ever endure such pain and heartache. They will turn for help and fight for life. I, myself, have had to fight for living through the battle of being a single mom and the hardships it brings. I miss him so each and everyday. I rest in the promise we will be reunited again one day and all my questions will be answered.

For now, I will focus on the good and enjoy my family and friends. I will continue to grow stronger and stronger as I seek counsel and help with my own faults and fears.

I hope that next year I can write that we have made even greater strides.